Recovery
by Keep Calm and Be Ninja
Summary: After they escape the Archon's flagship and save what people they could, Sky is hit with the realization that she died. What can a Pathfinder do to get past that? ONESHOT


**Recovery**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect Andromeda or it'd include some of the characters from the trilogy instead of heart-stabbing easter eggs and references. Damn you BioWare for playing with my heart. At least Andromeda had a happy ending.**

* * *

Sky Ryder felt as if she were dragging her feet while she ushered Drack, his scouts, and Cora into the Tempest. If she'd known so much shit would go down on the Archon's flagship, she would've taken something for it with her. Like a mild sedative or something. Though, as a scientist herself, she knew it'd only impair her judgment and worse.

"Drack, send your scouts down to Lexi. I know Krogan are tough, but we've seen what the Archon does to people. Just to make sure they're okay."

She heard him grumble like the old, cranky Krogan he was. "Sure."

"Cora, do you mind working on the paperwork surrounding the Archon flagship, salarian ark, and Krogan scouts?"

"Already on it."

Ryder ran a hand through her short, dark hair, wincing when she hit several snags of tangles. "Thanks."

After a trip to the armory to drop off her arsenal and change into civvies, Sky made her way to the bridge and speak with Captain Hayjer.

"Pathfinder," he greeted.

She nodded in return. "A team will escort the ark back to the Nexus. I'm sure they'll be happy to see you, Captain Hayjer."

"It's a day I wasn't certain would ever come," the captain admitted grimly.

Sky couldn't help but see how he could think so. If it wasn't for the leads the Tempest luckily stumbled upon, they'd still be stuck with the Archon and either die from testing or get Exalted. It was still up for debate which fate was worse.

"Well, now that it has, what will you do?"

"Technically I'm next in line to be our Pathfinder. Though I never started the training. Raeka will be difficult to replace."

She empathized with him. After all, she'd gone through the same situation.

"Speaking from my own experience, Captain, just take it one step at a time. You're up to this."

"I hope to justify your confidence. What matters most is that the salarian people are no longer at the mercy of the kett. For this, we are eternally grateful."

During his reply, Drack walked up to stand beside Sky. She regarded him with curiosity and a bit of wariness. Drack was respectful for the most part, but one of the downsides of living for over a millennium was that he experienced first-hand what the salarians were like. Old grudges could spark if he let them.

"Just make sure my scouts make it safely to Nexus."

Captain Hayjer remained polite and respectful, bless him. "Of course. Be well, Ryder."

"You, too."

With that, the salarian captain left to prepare for departure.

Sky turned to give her full attention to Drack, who she knew was waiting to talk with her.

"Must've been a tough call, leaving Raeka behind. But I'm glad you did. My scouts are alive because of it."

More than tough. In the little time she was acquainted with Raeka, Sky came to respect and like her. Bold, intelligent, quick-thinking, and loyal to her people. To the end. An incredibly admirable person, regardless of race. She wished, painfully so, she could've been able to save both. Why was that hardly ever the case? Why did she have to choose who lived and who died? The simpler days of research and investigation as a scientist felt decades away.

"Yeah. But the salarians we left behind..."

"Focus on what went right. You kicked the Archon's tail today. You took the ark right out from under him _and_ got Meridian's location. So enjoy this one."

Drack walked away, albeit slowly and what seemed like in pain. She'd have to check in on him later.

"The Archon has been dealt a blow. Your father would have been proud," SAM remarked in their private channel.

Sky sighed, feeling an old ache while missing her father. She'd been mourning him more than she'd care to admit. She'd grown up keeping her emotions close to her heart where no one would have to deal with them, though Jaal was definitely changing that. "It's been tough trying to fill his shoes. I hope I'm finally starting to earn it. Though, slapping the Archon in the face like this will only make him more dangerous."

She was tired. Tired of making tough calls she didn't want to make. Tired of losing people. Tired of killing. But people needed her, and she knew none of them would survive if she didn't keep it together. If only her father hadn't died. To lift the burdens from her shoulders.

"Or perhaps reckless. Your father liked putting others off-balance. He said the worthy would rise above it and learn to face adversity ably."

Sky's countenance turned apprehensive. "And the unworthy?"

"Would crumble."

Her face visibly fell, as did her self-confidence.

"I'll leave you to your thoughts."

 _Thank God._

She folded her hands together in prayer. Not to ask for advice or miracles, but just to consult Him about her troubles. She'd never been very open about her religious beliefs with a lot of people aside from Suvi and Jaal, but Suvi at least agreed that when praying sometimes, deeply and truly, it felt like they were reaching someone. Someone greater.

 _"Ryder, I have something important you need to see on the bridge. It's urgent."_

Sky sighed at the sudden intrusion of Suvi's voice. She sounded concerned and very serious, so she fast-walked her way down the glass walkway and through the sliding doors to the bridge. Suvi met her halfway with a datapad, her face scrunched with worry.

"Okay Suvi, what's wrong?"

"You need to see this."

With the data pad shoved into her hands, Sky watched what Suvi brought up. Needless to say, it was far from comforting. Once she was finished with the troubling news, she looked at Suvi.

"The Archon saw my memory flashes? He got that from my implant?"

"His device went deep. Our connections were wide open when SAM...killed you."

Shit. Shit. Shit!

"He'll know how much we need Meridian. We have to warn the Nexus. We have to move."

Suvi nodded.

Right.

Warn the Nexus.

"I'm...I'll be in my quarters. Just...I need to..."

What did she need? All she _wanted_ was to be left alone and get the flashbacks of the Archon in her face and her death out of her mind. Scratch that; _second death_. How many times was she going to die before this was all over and done with?

The scientist regarded her with heightened concern. "Ryder? Are you sure you're alright?"

Sky shook her head, snapping out of her daze. "I'll be in my quarters. SAM, make sure I'm undisturbed and lock the doors behind me."

"Understood, Pathfinder."

It was Kallo's turn to look at her. "Ryder, are you certain that's wise? Perhaps a visit with Lexi will be more beneficial-"

"No. I'm fine. I just need rest. That's all."

"If you say so..."

She couldn't remember the last time she actually _jogged_ to her quarters.

As soon as the doors slid closed behind her, she sighed in exhaustion. Clambering onto her bed, Ryder kicked off her shoes and hugged her knees to her chest, burying her face in the provided space. She sat there for hours, ignoring her crew's attempts at luring her out to eat something and interact.

She didn't want to interact. She wanted safety. Security. Reassurance.

For several hours, she just stared at nothing. The brunette felt nothing. Then her mind traveled back to the mission. How freaking helpless she was when the Archon approached her. Getting injected with some kind of device. Dying.

 _I'm so weak. I'm so helpless. I'm so stupid! I shouldn't have fallen for that stupid trap!_

Her heartbeat kicked up. Tears burned behind her eyes.

"Ryder, you are experiencing a breakdown. I find I am also majorly responsible for your current state, and I apologize for causing you such distress."

She wanted her loving, passionate mom back. Her heroic, kickass N7 dad. Her impulsive, sarcastic brother. _Someone_. Someone to hold her and tell her she was okay, she was safe, it was all going to be okay.

 _Are you the Pathfinder? What happened to Alec?_

 _You will doom us all!_

 _You're not what we expected._

 _We're all going to die because of you!_

 _Deep breaths._

 _Your brother's in a medically induced coma._

Ryder couldn't stop seeing the Archon and her death behind her eyes. Dropping like a rock from her trap after SAM stopped her heart, seeing nothing. Then gasping awake, her chest burning and lungs greedy for oxygen.

Then there was a ping, notifying her of a new email. Sky walked over while vigorously rubbing away building tears, plopping down into her chair.

"Mister Ama Darav has sent you a new email, Pathfinder."

"I've told you before to call him 'Jaal', SAM."

"Of course. Apologies."

Sky realized how much of a jerk she'd been acting towards SAM, grimacing at her actions. "...sorry, SAM. I'm just... struggling."

"I understand, Pathfinder."

She took a breath, then opened up her emails to see what Jaal emailed her.

 _Darling One,_

 _I am worried about you. Kallo informed me of your decision to lock yourself in your room. No one has been able to get you to eat anything. Are you alright? I heard what happened on the mission. If you wish to talk about it, or simply have someone there for you, I am always here._

 _-Jaal._

Sky released the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. She glanced at SAM.

"... SAM, let Jaal know he can come in. Unlock the doors once he arrives and lock them again after he's in."

"Very well Pathfinder. Jaal is already waiting outside your quarters. He has been pacing back and forth for a few hours now."

She almost laughed at that. How typically Jaal. How'd she ever get so lucky to have him in her life and reciprocate her feelings?

He rushed in as soon as the doors opened, cautiously approaching her while she headed back to sit on her bed.

"Taoshay," he breathed, the soothing baritone of his accented voice forcing the tears back to her eyes.

"Hey," Sky greeted, patting the bed space next to her.

Jaal immediately sat down next to her, enveloping her much smaller hand in his own. She felt obligated to tell him why she was acting so strange and isolating, but couldn't find the words.

As if reading her mind, he spoke first. "You don't need to explain yourself to me, Darling. I will wait until you are ready."

Bless this beautiful man.

She squeezed his hand, taking comfort in his warmth and comforting presence. For the first time since rescuing the Salarian ark and Drack's scouts from the grasps of the Archon, Sky felt herself relax.

"... thank you. How'd I get so lucky?" she whispered, biting back the building pressure of her abated tears.

He chuckled, the rumbling sounds from his chest lifting the heaviness from her chest. "I should say that to you. You are... brilliant, kind, understanding. Strong."

Sky couldn't hold back the blush that bloomed on her cheeks. Despite looking Asian, the Caucasian in her made it impossible to hide a blush. It also caused alarm whenever someone saw her reddened face after an exhausting workout or event.

"I... I should've seen that trap coming. I wish..."

She choked back her incessant tears as Jaal patiently waited for her to continue.

"I wish I'd brought you instead. I wish Scott was here. I just..."

His free hand came to lift her chin, rich brown meeting galaxy blue. "Darling One, if you wish to cry, do not feel ashamed in doing so. It is only me here, and I will never judge you for sharing your emotions with me."

That did it.

The dam broke, tears rushing down her flushed face as she sobbed. Jaal enveloped her in a comforting, loving hug. She hugged him back tightly, hiding her face in his large, broad shoulder.

One of his hands rubbed up and down her back soothingly. "Everything will be okay, Darling. You are safe. You are alive."

His grip tightened when he said that. She hadn't realized until then that he must've been worried sick when he heard via comms that SAM 'killed' her to free them from the Archon.

Jaal held her throughout the duration of her breakdown. When she was reduced to sniffling and rubbing at her swelling eyes, he pulled away to tenderly kiss her forehead.

"Better now, Darling One?"

"A little. Thank you, for being here. It's just... it'll take me a while to recover from this. But I'll deal with it later. Gotta inform the Nexus-"

When she tried to stand, Sky discovered her balance was completely off and nearly fell over if it wasn't for her amazing, loving, perfect alien boyfriend.

"Darling One! Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just a little dizzy."

"Pathfinder, you have not eaten or drunk anything in twenty-four hours. Combined with your loss of water from crying and the shock from what transpired, I suggest first taking the time to consume something before warning the Nexus."

Jaal held Sky close to him, guiding her to the door despite her feeling well enough to do it on her own.

"SAM is right, Sky. You should eat something and prepare yourself before diving back into the danger."

"Fine. But only if you stay and eat with me."

His boisterous laugh brought a smile to her tear-stained face. "Of course, Taoshay. Let's go."

While they exited Sky's room and meandered to the kitchen, Sky looked up at her much taller boyfriend.

"Jaal, I'm sorry."

"Hm? What for?"

"You must've been so freaked out. I mean, you had to hear second-hand that SAM _killed_ me. I mean, it's not like he wanted to, but still. If I was you, I'd be horrified. I should be comforting _you_ , not the other way around."

The Angara looked down at her in surprise, then smiled lovingly and kissed her hand. "Darling, you were just as terrified as I, admittedly, was. Even more so. Just having you here by my side is reassuring enough."

She held him tighter while they rummaged for food together, talking endlessly about multiple topics. The wounds of the horrors Sky went through were still fresh but in the process of healing.

Having Jaal beside her helped immensely. She knew she'd get past it.

The road to recovery might be long and arduous, but Sky wasn't going down it alone. And that was enough.


End file.
